I've been to quite a few gift un-packings. When you spend months planning a wedding and hens do and all those dinners and extras in between, you tend to get friendly with the bride to be. This has often extended to be being invited post honeymoon to talk about the day that was and, rather grandly, be a guest of honor at the Great Unpacking.
Can I tell you something? I looooove being invited to these unpackings. Normally it's reserved for the bride - now the Mrs. and her mother and sisters. Friends are rarely invited. It's just too risky. This is a decidedly keep it in the family kind of affair. With some hindsight now that I'm typing this blog post, I can't actually remember the husband ever being present. Right at this moment that does strike me as a little odd, but in the moment it seems perfectly right to be taking notes and assessing each gift with an exclusively feminine air.
So I want you to know, if you think no one's going to remember that state of the art breadmaker you got for Christmas three years ago and only used twice before you carefully cleaned it up and re-gifted it as a wedding gift - you are wrong. Dead wrong. It may have been 1095 days ago, but that fleeting comment you made, over the phone one rainy saturday will spring forth in the mind of the woman now beholding your repurposed gift and she will not be pleased.
What can I say? We all have an uncanny ability to sniff out recycled gifts. And it never ceases to amaze me how at every. single. unpacking. there is at least one and it is met with genuine distain by all present.
Mrs. "do you think I should still send a thank you note?"
Mum: "yes of course you're sending a thank you note!"
Mrs. "This is the same deluxe breadmaker I saw in the garage that time I went round to help unpack the Christmas decorations"
And know this: once you have repurposed that breadmaker, cake tin or catalogue alarm clock you never even took out of the protective plastic wrapping, it will never be forgotten.
Oh sure, you'll get the thank you card just like everyone else. But the stain will be there, waiting at any moment to reveal itself. And things like this just have a habit of getting around. Like at the next wedding when your repurposed gift is verbally 'loaned' to a mutual friend or family member within earshot ...and somehow everyone present just knows you gifted it and she couldn't care less when she'll be seeing it again because that gift is an interloper.
The best wedding gift is one that is thought out. Everyone wants to feel like you went out of your way to think of something special to give them as a mark of their union. They don't want to feel that you had 15 minutes at Ikea with a hotdog in one hand, an eye on discount kitchen drawers and a cursory 5 minutes in the mirror aisle picking anything within budget to gift to the happy couple.
Speaking of mirrors, the proof of this emotional loophole was never better illustrated than the time a handmade mirror was unpacked. The giver, a bridesmaid and close friend of the bride, had stuck tiny random objects to the wooden frame of a mirror. I can remember plastic barbie shoes and some animal figurines. Basically it was a plasticy 3d figure collage stuck down to a mirror with silicone glue. It was uuuugly. I mean, I'm sure someone, somewhere has used this same idea to make something wonderful. But whoever this random skilled maker is, it wasn't this Bridesmaid friend. The Mrs. hated it. Her mother demanded I wrap it back up. Yet, despite the unanimous disgust, there was still a general air of satisfaction.
Mrs. "she spent hours making that"
Mum. "I wish she hadn't"
Mrs. "it's so thoughtful, she really wanted to do something special..."
And you know what else? Every outdoor garden shed can benefit from a mirror hung to the inside creaky door. So really, everyone's a winner. My advice? Give from your heart, make it personal and I guarantee, no matter how hideous your choice, if you stick to this basic principle, you can hold your head high, they won't hold it against you.
As for me? I'm a total hypocrite. I clutch the printed out Wedding Gift Registry like some kind of declaration and smugly nestle the whole lot in a lovely gift box with a big bow on the top and call it done. But then again, I am a professional and have years of experience.
If you're a bride to be deciding whether or not to have a Gift Registry, please please please do. People who love you will still buy you items with emotional value and those on a tight budget won't have to suffer embarrassment or stress when you put down reasonably priced items they know for certain you'll want. I know it just doesn't seem British to ask people for gifts, but you'll be doing them the biggest wedding related favour you can think of if you do. They will buy you a gift - so make it easy for them.
