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We Got Hitched in Sunny Spain

"I always thought I'd get married in an english country garden setting; bedecked with liberty fabric bunting, tea cakes and a harpist...not that I'd planned my wedding day down to the final details or anything !

James and I had been seeing each other for 2 years when he proposed and after that, we lived together for six months in a horrible flat in London before finally deciding that we should make our union 'official'. We were both keen to be married, but the timing was terrible: I'd just started my own business, he was looking for another job and we were both keen to move a little further out of London so that we could have a better quality of living for our rent money! When I sat down and planned my dream wedding, I realised that it couldn't be done for under £12,000 and that was on the conservative side. Yet, I really didn't want to keep putting it off any longer, I knew the time to get hitched was now and going further into debt wasn't an option for either of us. Or our parents.

The only thing left to do was completely release all my preconceived ideas and plans about what our wedding would look like. The only problem was, I continued coming back to the same old english country garden theme - or the bare bones of one- so thinking about my wedding was starting to feel like a disappointment - and it hadn't even happened yet!

One night I sat James down and told him I wanted him to plan the whole lot. He instantly quipped back that the only thing he wanted was me for his wife ...and a holiday in Spain. As soon as I heard that, I felt a surge of relief and excitement. We booked an apartment through Airbnb that night in Andalucia for 16 days. It was private and had its own swimming pool - so that was the holiday part of our wedding sorted.

We reasoned that 16 days was plenty of time to find a Church to marry us in, we weren't too fussed with what day it would happen on. James was keen for us just to show up and get hitched once we were there, but I discovered that its a bit of a hassle getting married in Spain and neither of us could be bothered going through all the administration. A travel agent suggested hiring a Spanish wedding planner, but this was out of our budget and the idea of stopping over in Gibraltar to get legally wed as a popular alternative sounded like a pain so we decided against it.

I bought my wedding dress, sight unseen, from a dodgy looking website that came up during a Google search. James and I 'created' it from my laptop as we sat in bed. I didn't tell anyone at the time because I knew what a bad idea it was. But, to be honest, a part of me really didn't care. I think the whole wedding industry takes itself a bit too seriously. And, the fact is, I didn't have £950 to buy a dress and all the accessories from a shop. Luckily for me, when the box arrived from China 14 days later (and 3 days before we were due to fly out to Spain) it fit perfectly and I loved it. The only thing I added was an indigo ribbon. I already had blue heels I'd decided I would wear and I purchased a head garland of silk flowers from Camden market as I knew it would be too hot to wear real ones. Grand total: £120

The night before we left, we wrote our own wedding vows on a single sheet of paper, each of us using one side. I folded it up and kept it with me. We were technically married at our local registry office on our way to the airport (we had booked this appointment the day after booking Andalucia) and our witnesses were the couple in line after us! So we arrived in Spain 'officially' married.
On arrival, our hosts in Andalucia were amazing: when they heard about our plan, they went out and arranged for us to be blessed in their local Catholic chapel in the village there! James had been right, everything really was slotting into place. The daughter of our host arrived at our villa the morning of our wedding and offered to do my hair, which I happily accepted. For my makeup, I decidedly to go with my daily face. I know weddings are extra special, but I wear makeup every day and I wanted my wedding day to be all about the ordinary me, presented to my husband. It sounds a bit corny writing that down, but it made sense at the time. I'm known for wearing 'Ruby Woo' by MAC day in and out so of course, this was my wedding lipstick as well. For my foundation I wore Boots Beautifully Matt and I have to say, it really stood its ground in the hot, sunshine bursting weather. We had a hot wedding.

The whole feeling of happiness was completely overwhelming and the fact that these perfect strangers were so welcoming really made the experience feel predestined. As well as opening up their villa to us, they also loaned us the use of their car whilst we were there and delivered fresh trays of fruit as a honeymoon gift. Three days after arriving, our wedding was blessed in a broken english / spanish ceremony.

As the legalities has already been sorted back home, after the blessing, we signed the vows to each other which we had written before arriving in Spain. This is what I consider to be our true wedding contract. Emotionally this was when we really tied the knot as far as I'm concerned. It was solemn and beautiful. I could have stayed at that altar for hours.

Afterwards, still in our wedding finery, our hosts took us to a local tavern for a celebratory lunch, which was so generous of them, it really moved me to tears. Everyone stopped us on the street to kiss me and slap James on the shoulder.The funniest part of it was that there was another town wedding planned for later that afternoon and the tavern we were eating in had its outdoor area set up for that couple - and when they realised that we were a wedding party of just 5, they let us sit out there and enjoy the ambience before the next wedding couple arrived. So we got our reception too! Sure it was just one table, but we had so much fun taking it all in. It was just us, our hosts and their daughter (who was also my hairdresser and our photographer).

There's no doubt in my mind that we made the right choice getting hitched in Spain. If I'm honest with myself, I was initially far too obsessed with creating a look for our wedding and when I saw that it wouldn't be possible to carry out, I got depressed about it. I've really given a lot of thought to how that happened and what it is that makes some of us (and I include myself in that list) hell bent on satisfying an idea that really doesn't determine the emotional impact or quality of the day.

As well as being a wedding, this experience really taught me what it means to trust in possibility and accept positivity as an alternative option to what we first decide we need. That sounds like something straight out of a hippy self help guide, but I really mean it. Getting married taught me how irrelevant plans are if your intention is positive. I would never have accepted or tolerated this wedding day if if someone had told me how it would unfold just three months previously. And today? I'm a believer. I believe in love and the positive effects of trusting yourselves to create something magical from whatever you have, even when it isn't much."

~

Some Honey is now accepting your real wedding stories and advice. Be it the wedding, the wedding planning. your dress or whatever else you feel like sharing with us. Why not submit? We're keen to hear from brides and bridesmaids in your own words. Every published post receives a gift from one of our sponsors. Just because. It's our way of thanking you for sharing your day and spreading the love. XX 

Banish Bridal Envy (a 10 step how to)

So it happened. You step out of the car feeling wonderful. Afterall, it is your wedding day. Then you see her, its her wedding day too. And she's wearing the dress - you know, 'the one' you originally wanted, which had sold out across the country. And...its beautiful. You sigh, she sure does look amazing. I mean, you know you look amazing too, right? But seeing that elusive something you so desperately wanted- well, it just reminds you that you could have done better.

But wait. Is that the Akoya Pearl Pendant set you'd had your heart on? You outright stare at this unsuspecting bride as she passes by with a big smile for you and everyone around you, but you've got bigger things to think about than niceties. You step forward to get a closer look and yes, it is. The very same.  She passes by you in a soft floral waft. Your skin bristles. You know that scent, its Mademoiselle by Chanel and it was your wedding day perfume choice too, before you'd decided on wearing your grandmother's favourite as your 'something old.' Now you just feel about as elegant as a cloud of talcum powder.

And did you see her smile? She went full out with her makeup - no doubt professional, whereas you opted for a natural, subtle look which you'd applied yourself. And its not like you couldn't have gone with the pink lip, you just thought it looked so over the top. But now, nestled against a backdrop of white lace, pearls and lavishly curled hair, well, it just works.

And you're not even going to think about her veil which has that scalloped edging you didn't think was worth the extra money. And anyway, yours isn't supposed to drape across the face like that, you hate that look. And if you started messing with it now, pinned up as it is in your hair, you'd mess up your hair and the veil and that would not be a good look. And you'd probably end up in the toilets, trying make it look right. Even if you do suddenly think you look better with your hair down. You will not spend the minutes before your wedding stuck in the toilets re-arranging your hair. End of. You.Will. Not.

And you thought there was something fresh about choosing white tulips over white roses - I mean, roses- haven't they been done to death already? What a cliche. You just wanted to shake it up a bit. But now it feels like you're holding a vase arrangement on your wedding day instead of a bouquet and what is even up with that other bride? Looking so perfect in all your ideas; you know the ones, the ones you thought of and then dismissed. And now you've seen them and you're all deflated.

You've got bridal envy and you've got it bad.

So what's a bride in meltdown to do? Read on...

Bridal envy is surprisingly common. It might be a full blown crisis as above (based on true events I'm sorry to report) or it might be that little niggle in the back of your mind which suddenly speaks out when you see a bride in a horse and carriage - after thinking that was a hideous and tacky mode of transport  right up until the moment you actually saw it with your own eyes on your own wedding day whilst stuck in traffic in a beat up cab. Tough but true. Here are 10 steps you can take to overcome Bridal Envy or help someone else overcome it in their moment of need (essential reading for Bridesmaids).

1. Write a list of reasons why you are getting married (these are the emotional reasons)
2. Write a list of reasons why you are getting married in the manner you have chosen (it might be for a family get together, a reunion, an excuse to party or it might be because you're in a hurry, or on a deadline, or merging it with a birthday or re-location, or it might be financially based. Be honest and write down everything that applies)
3. Write down the details of your fantasy wedding, with no expense spared. Get down into details and really flesh it out.
4. Compare your fantasy to the reality and write a list of what they both share.
5. Write a list of everything you are 'lacking' from your reality wedding. really consider what the specific items are
6. Write a wishlist of these specific but missing items and potential occasions to have them in the future. For example, we can't afford an ice carving of a swan at our wedding, but we could have this on our first, or fifth, anniversary. Do this for all the items,
7. Confirm what the most important part of the wedding is for you and write it down. It might be your wedding dress. Or it might be the ring. Be honest. Most women will say that 'getting married' is the most important thing. But is that true for you? Really? If on the morning of your wedding, your dress was destroyed, would you go ahead with the wedding? 
8. Write down what you would do in the event of a series of disasters. Where would you draw the line? If the church flooded, would you wear wellingtons to get married? Or call the whole thing off? If the cake was smashed in the truck and your were left with a nasty sponge from the supermarket, would it be a deal breaker? If you suffered an allergic reaction the night before and were covered in a visible rash, what then? Get dramatic, but be honest with yourself.
9. Write down what would make you look your absolute best on your wedding day and how you'll achieve that. And what you'll do if you don't.
10. Read over all your honest answers and think about what is bothering you. What stands out for you. Then, write a statement about about your wedding day based on your own emotional truths, on a notecard or have it printed on fancy paper and keep it with you at all times and take it out and read it whenever you need to.

Why this works: bridal envy boils down to insecurity, fear and feelings of low self worth. When you take the time to write down all your thoughts about your wedding and the reality of it- the good and the bad, you can be as honest as you like, free of judgement and fear. Then you can emotionally start overcoming the little hiccups that build up as tension. It's the tension and fear that make little dramas on the day look like insurmountable disasters. Its very common for brides to turn little things into big things because they feel anxious - usually about something completely unrelated. By knowing and writing down what you feel about yoru wedding day, you can prevent the ugliness of envy marring your special day.

Tomorrow we'll be posting the real life 'statement' of step 10, from a bride who used this method to keep her anxiety and envy under control on her big day. Don't miss it. 

Bridal Look: Soft Warm Pinks

Warm pink is a beautifully feminine look on so many warm tones; think of it as a universal warm peach with a dash of pink - but not too much (which would only sallow warm complexions.) This is the best pink for warm toned women. Pink is always popular, but a true blue toned pink just doesn't sit right and can make warm skin look overly yellow or bring out any redness (like blemishes) in an unflattering way.

This bride is warm toned. She has a soft warm skin tone with low contrast. This means she needs soft, muted colours (ideally analogous) to really look her best. And her pinks need to be just a dash away from apricot, peach and salmon shades.

As a soft warm, the most important thing is that all the shades used on the face are harmonious with each other and not more than 2 - 3 shades away from each other - low contrast. You can see that the eyes and the lips are harmonious, they really look like the same colour used at different saturation points, and this is ideal for a soft warm. Using one colour and working with its hues to create a soft look. Soft warms are all about softness and this the key element for them to look their best.

And don't you just love the addition of tiny diamantes at the corner of her eyes instead of a winged out lined eye? Its just a little bit different, but still elegant.

The skin has been shaded to stay in its ideal soft warmth with the Daniel Sandler contour kit with just a dash of pinky blush over the contouring. The clarins cheek colour has been used on the eyes as well as the cheeks to keep it all harmonious. Here are the products that made this look happen:

Instant Smooth Perfecting Touch

Daniel Sandler Sculpt and Slim Contour Powder

Ilia Lipstick Crayon in Dress You Up

Cils d'Enfer Maxi Lash

Corner Faux Lashes

Wedding Superstitions: The Evil Eye

What's a bridal garter got to do with the evil eye? Quite a lot actually. 

'Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue and a silver sixpence in her shoe' is a charming, old English rhyme that many a bride has followed on her own wedding day - be it for fun, practical reasons or just a simple desire to follow the footsteps of millions of bride's before here in enacting these words of happiness and prosperity.

But what does it all mean? Wasn't blue just slotted in to rhyme with new and shoe? No, it certainly wasn't.

Words are powerful. Afterall, using them in a special arrangement is what constitutes the making of a spell, or a hex or a curse. 'Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue and a silver sixpence in her shoe'  is an easily remembered checklist for women preparing for marriage and the blue spoken of here is more than a sprig of lavender - it's referring to blocking the evil eye and its poison on the bride and her fertility.

The Evil Eye is believed by some to be a curse which someone can throw on you which causes you to have bad luck and ruinous fortune. And it's not a historic remnant - its alive and kicking through many cultures to this day. In fact, there are 'elders' who are still placing these curses on unsuspecting victims and they're getting plenty of business (including online.)

If you've ever attended a wedding in the Mediterranean or Balkans, you might have noticed how prominent it still is by the proliferation of these talismans and guards against the Evil Eye - from mugs to jewellery to tiles and beads - its everywhere.

It's believed that blue - (the colour of fidelity, truth and heaven) has the power and strength to thwart and throw off the hexes and curses of the Evil Eye. Most commonly these safeguards against curses take the form of jewellery and other wearable objects.

The interesting thing about 'Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue and a silver sixpence in her shoe' is that hundreds of years ago in Britain, it was considered good luck for the bride to wear the undergarments of a close female friend or relative who had safely given birth. Marriage was a risky time for women and never more so than when pregnant and in labour. A wedding was an opportunity to shower a women with blessings and throw off any evil intent that may have been put upon her. In an age of superstition, wealthy and prominent brides went to the extra length and expense of making sure to be surrounded by 'decoy' bridesmaids and flowergirls in matching wedding style gowns and this too was in an effort to confuse evil spirits as well as the evil schemings of men (when kidnapping was a real and present danger). The likelihood for brides not having the undergarments themselves made from a blue fabric is almost certainly down to the issue of commercial dye and fabric limitations during that age.

You can see how the underwear sharing for luck alongside blue to ward off evil combined over time and today, the closest thing to a bride's underwear is her garter and this is traditionally blue. The bride to be puts it on before tying the knot, and afterwards her husband assumes the responsibility for her safety and he is the one who removes it.

Nowadays, many brides wear a blue garter for the simple convenience of their something blue and they aren't too worried about Evil Eyes or any other kind of curse upon their fertility or household. And we all know and (either love or hate) the time honoured tradition of the 'tossing of the garter' which is still commonplace at most of the wedding's I've attended...but that's another blog post.